Between Nothing and Nowhere

“Oh baby, can’t you see? I’m shining just for you.”

we're ready
i'm kinda scary sometimes
joel. anna. ....rudy.

I just wanted you all to know that I can never concentrate anymore because I’m thinking about my future. And I know I shouldn’t think about my future because I don’t know what tomorrow will bring and therefore I have no idea how to construct my thought process around the variables. However, I want to keep thinking and thinking. I don’t want to go to my next class and take the campus connector to the St Paul campus. I would rather sit here in Coffman lounging around, fingers on my keyboard, butt on the radiator, soaking in the sun. And speaking of sun, I’d really enjoy being on a beach right now. Actually I’d enjoy walking outside and laying on the cement as long as the weather had somehow spiked to 80 degrees and instantly melted the snow.

Google says its 8 degrees outside. This morning when I bussed to school it was -8 degrees. I waited inside the gas station by the bus stop so I wouldn’t have to dance around myself outside trying to stay warm. I bought a baby blue colored lighter in case someone yelled at me for loitering. Even though I’m not sure how often little white girls get kicked out of gas stations. Still, I didn’t feel like trying to redeem my pride if that happened. I couldn’t find my money for 3 minutes because it was acting like a heterogenous mixture with the receipts, gum, and identification cards intermingling in my pocket. I felt sorry for the guy at the register. But then I didn’t when I was standing a few feet away from him inside, waiting for the bus. I didn’t feel sorry anymore because I was fully aware he could kick me out of the gas station whether I felt sorry for him or not. I decided to maintain my pride and not feel sorry for taking an hour just to locate two dollars. I shoved the lighter into my pants pocket because I was wondering if it could start a fire in my coat pocket with the object. Somehow I rationed that putting it in my pants would be my safest bet. I forgot I had done that until just now when I felt the lighter still in my pocket. I guess I would have been safe either way. This happens to me a lot.

Published by Anna Buck

"everything was beautiful and nothing hurt."

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