This is my life problem:
I have severe initial motivation for every project, idea, philosophy, class, job, I take on. After about a month, or even occurring within the next month, I lose every spark and grow to resent my previous choice or outlook. Its not even that it just fades out, its that it bites me in the ass later on and I no longer want to associate myself with the task. I hate this about myself. I don’t hate myself, I just hate that I can’t stay whole heartedly or gun-ho about anything for very long. I’m confident that I need to exercise and stretch my motivation, but I’m not really sure how.What types of strategies would I as Anna Buck respond to the best? Maybe people should just yell at me more.
School feels like a teeter totter. Man, I had a semester’s worth of PSEO done before going to college and at the rate I’m going I’ll be lucky if I graduate in 2 years. Strange how that works. I’m confident its because along this journey of acadameia I have second guessed my plan many times and given in all of those doubts in one way or another. I’m sick of it. I just want to get through it and say, yea, that was really hard and I failed a lot along the way, but I got through it. I’m sick of being a C student. It so obviously is a grade that mirrors my new philosophy about school. Lay back, breath, it will be over soon and don’t work too hard right now. Stop it Anna’s head!! I want to work hard and feel accomplished. I want to see something through. I just want to survey my final work one day and say, “I could not imagine doing that any other way.” No second guessing. No regrets. Having understanding, while constructively criticizing and challenging myself.
This dinner talk made possible by chicken, rutabaga, beet, broccoli, cauliflower, and kale. Thank you.